My 19th, His 43rd
Today was my 19th infusion of Tysabri, which is my medication of choice to treat symptoms of multiple sclerosis and prevent the disease from progressing. It's been 19 months on it and every month I walk into the oncology center at UCLA, the only place nearby where I can go to receive my medication via IV. But today's infusion was different than others. Today would have been my ex-fiance's 43rd birthday. My ex not because we broke up but because he suddenly died 10 years ago just days after his 33rd birthday. Which means his 10th anniversary of passing is coming up in just a few days on April 29th.
Some may think, "c'mon girl, it's been 10 years get over it" or "why hasn't she moved on yet." The truth is you never really get over something so traumatic of losing someone so close to you. Someone you were supposed to grow old with. A lifetime spades partner that also drinks Henny with you. I would be lying if I said I don't think about him because I do. And yes, at times I still miss him and his friendship. I had never really met or experienced anyone quite like him. And I never will because he was (as all of us are) unique. Which is why on what would have been his 43rd birthday, and my 19th infusion, I can't help but think what he would say to me in these (MS) moments.
He'd sit across from me and crack jokes while the nurse put the IV in. Talk about how and what we would do after to celebrate his birthday. Maybe see a live music performance while we had some drinks. Maybe hit a strip club. All I can say is that he was from ATL. lol Definitely smoke a joint, blunts are too hard on yo' chest (nowadays). And of course some red velvet birthday cake. But most importantly he'd hold my hand the entire time and make sure I was good. And THAT'S what I miss most, my ride or die. My best friend.
Having someone that has your back no matter what makes a difference. This adulting/real life shit is hard, yo! There are days I think that his death prepared me for this. I learned how to fight for my life, for my sanity and to always keep moving. That's what he would have wanted me to do. And that's what I'll continue to do. Because through his death I learned to live.
So because I'm now 38 and not 28, I'll celebrate in his honor with some wine. Honestly it's some kombucha beer I saw at Whole Foods (some LA shit lol). Cheers to a great man, son, brother and friend who taught us all to be the friend we would want in our corner, to love hard with no regrets and to always, always keep on moving.
Happy Birthday Maxmillian Osiris Finley!
